Article (Social Media BLOG post)

Theresa Stuart (for Client)

“A look at Social Media- A personal perspective….”

The term “Social Media” today seems to bring about the vision of marketing, of the offering of products and services, with an emphasis on the “media” end of things. It has become a highly sought after marketplace for individuals, advertising guru’s and wall street savvy professionals. Trying to gain market shares, sell their wares or offer any number of services to a growing and changing public. 

But for me, social media has an entirely different perspective with an equally different meaning and the emphasis being on the “social” part of it.  I have been on-line now for a number of years and had many varying experiences from the casual hello, to marriage proposals from men I have not so much as talked to. All in all, the experiences have mostly been positive, albeit they have been viewed through cyber world spectacles, most of them are as real as if it was happening in my own home, and frequently it feels that way. 

The most gratifying part, of my online social experience, has been the friendships, insights and knowledge I have received from an audience I would not have even been exposed to without the advent of the social media craze. 

Facebook in particular, has had a huge impact on my life in many different areas. I have made friendships with people; gone to places on this globe I have yet to experiences in person, and learned more about other life styles, cultures and people, than reading about them in a hundred books on the subject. 

I have been fortunate enough to fill my mind with adventures and knowledge, that I otherwise would never have known. It has been my great privilege and pleasure to be a part of such a growing and interesting group of people. 

I’ve heard so many differing opinions of the “On-line” friend.  People tell me “They can’t possibly be a real friend; you’ve yet to even meet face to face” or “how can you trust this person or that; you don’t KNOW them” or “well, take it all with a grain of salt, because it just might be an illusion, from someone’s imagination”. 

All of these statements can be true, and I am sure are true, of a small minority of folks that would take advantage of you or worse, even if you had met them face to face. BUT… I can say from my own personal experience here, that it is indeed the minority. 

I have met some of the finest people, made true and real friendships, been involved in undertakings both for business and for pleasure that would not ever have happened had I relied ONLY on traditional means of interaction with others. 

Having met many of these “online friends” in person, after long and truly satisfying friendships, through initially online writings and photographs, they were everything and more of the person I felt they were from the beginning. Not at any such time have I been manipulated, used, nor have I been the victim of any scandal or mistreatment. You may say I have been lucky, or you can do as I do and choose to see the good in others, in life itself, and acting accordingly… 

Once you make that choice all the rest is easy and fun. 

One of the key issues that I see, for those of us (adults over 40) that use social media. We did not grow up in a computer-oriented world and the learning curve for us is a bit greater than anyone under 30.  I struggled for several years to “get the hang of” what my children were telling me was so simple and easy. 

It was a frustrating and sometimes down right irritating experience. Once I was able to participate in this Cyber-World and interact with others in a way they could relate to and understand. I had a much better experience. 

The world of Social Media is here to stay and we cannot get away from that issue. There are many, many good things to come from this and just as many an avenue for disaster. 

First; there is the issue of what can or should be seen by what audiences. Second; there is the issue of how much time is TOO MUCH time online. Third; you have advertisers that you need to contend with. Fourth how does this online social interaction differ from actually interacting socially in a local bar or other meeting place, with local people in person? Andlast; but certainly not least; as parents in a cyber-world how do we realistically address all the above situations and still keep our children safe?

As a parent of five grown children and 12 grandchildren and as a proponent to free speech, against suppression and censorship. Let me include a commentary I wrote to address the issue of what our children see and how we can interact safely online;

COMMENTARY

“There is to my knowledge in this country (USA) at least, no one entity that has the right to Censor nor suppress our rights to free speech and the offering of Artwork, and/or other creative endeavors.

I have seen many a post and rebuttal of late here on Facebook from those who would try to take it upon themselves to be just that, the personal watchdog of Censorship and Suppression. Even some of the FaceBook administration seems to be on that bandwagon.

Herein is my opinionon this situation; 

WE (collectively those here online and predominantly on Facebook) all each and every one of us, has a wall, we like, and we dislike an array of different things that are offered, based on our INDIVIDUAL and PERSONAL taste. Within that wall, page or posting, we have the right to turn OFF those things which do not suit us, that which we find offensive, and leave on and visible that which we like and wish to participate in. We have a choice.

WE ALWAYS have a choice as to what we want to see and read and what we do not. 

Therefore, NO ONE has the right to decide for ME (us), NO ONE has the right to take away an offering from here that others may find offensive, or off color or not within the realm of the way they think, feel or live.  It is MY choice and MY decision as to what I feel is right for ME and my family.

 Certainly it is not some random entity or person deciding for me. 

For many millennia, art and creative expression has used the human form, both clothed and nude for its expression. For centuries those who chose to look at it, do and those who chose otherwise, do not. 

Yes, there may be some who find certain types of artful expression offensive, and we as individuals have the right NOT to be forced to participate in that which we individually find as such. HENSE the HIDE and DELETE and REMOVE buttons as well as the ability to not see (block) postings from various pages and persons. 

You as individualsneed to LEARN to USE the TOOLS given to you for these very purposes! It’s  not advisable nor is it fair, to make others conform to your way of thinking, any more than it is advisable to force YOU to participate in theirs. 

We all need to learn TOLERANCE, DISCERNMENT and RESPECT for other ways of thinking and acting, especially in the realms of creative expression. For which there are as many ways as there are people.

We are all, at least I like to think we are; Educated, Modern, Open minded individuals. We need not participate in engendered, racial and religious judgments of others. Those of YOU who ARE acting in this manner, I put it to you this way;  

YOU would NOT want the reverse to be happening to YOU! To be forced to see or not see at someone else’s standards.

We are still all free to voice our opinions; I am grateful for this right and will support anyone who avails himself of it. Regardless of whether I personally agree with what they have to say or not. WE cannot go back to the dark ages, we cannot CENSOR and SUPRESS opinions, art or any other such endeavor. It is simply wrong.” 

I truly believe that we (collectively the human race) will always have disputes and opposing opinions as to what is and what is not acceptable for public viewing. We need to all remain in an open-minded state on this issue.

So on to the next topic, of how much is too much viewing?

Regulating time online for all of us whether it is a child in your home or for yourself.  Not so easy as it may seem, it is so very easy to get lost in time, when online.  “Lost in time” what is that you may ask. 

Let me explain; when I first was learning to use social media, I spent many an hour just trying to understand terminology and use of my computer, just learning the “lingo” and how to interact. It was like learning a foreign language and I lost many hours to this learning phase. That is only one aspect of “lost in time” during the learning curve of social media, as I progressed into the NEWBIE state of things and was getting the hang, so to speak of how to interact and where to look for certain information. I found that I literally “lost” hours upon hours of time. 

When you are looking through hundreds of thousands of pieces of information, be it for personal use or for job related use, for research of a project or any number of other reasons to be online and searching. You have no concept of time; it is as if you are in a hypnotic state and suspended in those moments. Being that I am certified in hypnotherapy I can tell you that is it a similar state, you are deeply engrossed in your reading or chatting or “looking” so much so that you have lowered your brain waves to a Theta or learning meditative state, this is also true of video games and reading a good book being so deep in concentration where time passes and you have no idea how long you have been doing that activity, but all of a sudden you realize that hours have passed. 

With that said; it can be a daunting task to try to regulate time online. However, I feel it is definitely a necessity to do so. For a variety of reasons, most importantly you don’t want to have any health effects from being in front of a monitor for numerous hours without any type of a break. You need to move around, and get outside. So I try to limit the time I personally spend and that my grand children spend online not based on a particular amount of hours or minutes but based on the project at hand or the needed information to be collected. Once a particular task has been completed get up walk around, go outside in the sunshine, play with your dog, just do something that is not in a seated place, this will keep active, moving, blood flowing, and lungs filled. 

Our next big question, is advertising;  

There is now and will continue to be more advertising online than one can deal with; email boxes are over flowing with advertisers trying to get us to be a part of their market shares.  Everyone in business wants YOU to see it, buy it, get it, eat it, wear it, go to it, stay in it, camp at it, ride on or in it, WHERE does it STOP it is dizzying. So how do we contend with the onslaught of social media advertising as a non-business entity? 

Learning to use tools that email programs offer is a good start. But you will still be inundated IF you just haphazardly click here and there and don’t pay attention to what you are “LIKE”ing.  You would not haphazardly go to the store and start offering to support every item that is on the shelf, you have preferences you make decisions and have opinions. So why on a social media site do you feel compelled to “LIKE” everything offered to you? Being selective of your likes and wants online, (just a you are in life) will help you to not be inundated with unwanted information or an over load of unreadable and inappropriate information for you.

Which brings me specifically to the Facebook genre, having the most friends on Facebook is not he goal, as a regular everyday user. Yes, for a business it is and usually will be “The Goal” but for an individual like you or me, I see FaceBook as a place to meet others, to learn new things and to interact with other cultures and people we would not normally come into contact with. 

It is a place for having a cup of coffee with a friend, for sharing photographs, for looking at life in different ways. We share stories and jokes and things about our lives. We are positioned with a personal online presence to meet others with similar interests and opinions. As well as those who’s opinions and interests are vastly different from our own, which in turn allows us to gain broader insights and grow as a person.

In a very real sense there is camaraderie and community spirit unlike you’ll find in any other social situation. People will come to your aid, defend your position, offer moral and even financial support if need be, and most don’t ask for a thing in return. 

Let me share just two personal stories of my own here with you now; 

Recently, I had been ill, a few of my closer friends online specifically on Facebook, had been discussing this with me. In the course of talking a few others entered the conversation, to make a long story short, I had mentioned I was having a bit of a financial problem due to lack of work because of this particular illness. Now mind you I was NOTasking for any help from any of my friends online. That is what is important to note here… Not once was anyone asked or eluded to that I wanted them to help me in anyway other than a prayer or two or happy thoughts that things would get better soon.

Anyway a bout a week went by from that particular conversation and I started getting anonymous cards at my Post Office Box wishing me well, and hoping I got back on my feet soon, but that was not the astonishing part of it I was getting money! Cash money obviously from the people I had told about my situation, but none of them identified themselves, none of the cards or letters I got had a name or a return address on them, all in all I got enough to take care of most of my monthly bills for two months in a row. Now I could not thank anyone in particular, no one left a name on the cards I received. But I did post a huge thank you note on my Facebook wall to all the “Secrete Angels” that helped me out when I was in need. 

These are people that I have never met face to face; live in various countries around the world, some of them from the UK, India, Australia and Canada. All of them sent me cash in envelopes (from their respective countries) to help me get through a bad time. Their generosity and kindness to me was so Profound, unexpected and genuinely altruistic I was overwhelmed with gratitude and loving care for them. 

Another such example is with what I did for a living, and what I wanted to do to earn a living. All of my life for as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be writer, to tell stories, and write articles and poetry from the heart. I had never thought I would get paid to do this. Consequently, until a few years ago I had never shared my writing with anyone, ( a good way NOT to get published; I Know) But then one day, I was online talking to a friend,  he said something about poems and writing and we had a discussion about authors and the business of getting published one thing lead to another and I ended up sending this person a few of my poems and short stories (something I never had the courage to do previously). Again not to ramble on, but at this persons insistence, It lead to my considering a few things and joining a few writers’ groups, all-online, from all over the globe. 

I started to get interest in my writing, people were offering to pay me to write commissioned poems and other things like articles. I then joined a few more groups on FaceBook and ended up through my connections and friends on a social media site finding a publisher and getting my first book published, that too would never have happened had it not been for social media this publisher is in another state about 1800 miles from me we would never have met, had it not been for the catalyst of the online FaceBook groups I belonged to and friends of friends. 

I am (always have been, just didn’t know it. LOL) a writer, and I write for a living. I enjoy most of my days and my financial difficulties, although not yet behind me, are lessening with each forward step I take in the online world. 

Now, I am not saying this is impossible in the off-line world, not at all, but I do believe it would have taken me a greater time to reach these goals using more traditional methods. Certainly, one thing I do know, is this; that no one in Norway, India, nor in Australia would have asked me for work or offered to pay me for stories had I not been available on-line. So, from a purely personal view, I believe that an online presence, will in ways you can’t possibly foresee offer opportunity to the everyday person, which keeps an open mind. 

I am confident that through social media we can all learn things and grow. Personal development is a strong factor in many a person’s ability to move forward in life, and in there own spheres of influence.  

Through the use of Blogs, Tweets, Pages, Forums and emails, access to personal development is also on the rise, giving the non business user a chance for growth they might not have other wise had at their disposal. Any one that has had one of those famous “AH HA” moments in life will tell you that the more you allow yourself to grow and enrich you life, the more things just naturally come your way. 

Through the use of social media, we get exposure to some of the world’s greatest leaders in this field, as well as many others. Even if that is not what we are looking for and had no idea it was of importance in our own life journey. 

Personal growth is the for runner to learning, learning the fore runner to earning on a personal scale, in that the more you grow as a person, the more you have to offer others and the more aware you become of how you can not only benefit yourself. But more importantly, benefit the others around you. You also learn how to give back, and why it becomes important to do so. 

The old approach to personal growth, of finding the right seminar, the right guru, the right path, or the correct mindset spending thousands of dollars on systems, retreats and seminars has become unnecessary for the average individual. 

Now don’t get me wrong, there are many wonderful and needed courses and seminars out there, by some of the best in the business. I highly and whole heartedly recommend some of them in my Coaching business to my clients. But, for now here in this context, we are talking about a personal approach and opinion of the social media scene. 

With that said, on a purely personal search for growth one only need to look for feeds, blogs, and free newsletters from the best of the best offering the basics of how to grow on a personal level. 

The kindnesses of total strangers will surprise and delight you as move through making your own personal statements and of offering you opinions to others in a constructive way. 

You may feel I am not qualified to write in such things, but I have been involved in the social media scene since its inception. My ex-husband was one of the original developers of the MSN network the very first social network to reach across the oceans and allow you to talk to and meet others from other countries talking in real time, then came along the, AOL, ICQ and IRS networks that also allowed real time discussion. Add to that the now king of social media FaceBook and its counter parts of LinkedIn, twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube, and many others it is difficult not to grow personally if you immerse yourself in these communities. 

Your horizons are broadened and you naturally see new points of view and different perspectives. How can you help but grow as a person? 

Something wonderful happens when you go through these growing pains. You find you want to help others to do the same, and just naturally as a part of your day, you start to make referrals and offer insights, opinions, you give reviews of others work and point friends in a direction that can benefit them, or you might offer to be the sounding board for someone’s project. 

You do all this with no thought of “what’s in it for me” and others then follow your lead and do the same. It has become one large pond of fish helping other fish grow and become better than they were alone. 

I am indebted to and grateful for all of my friends, acquaintances and followers on my different Facebook Pages and my websites. My life has been enhanced and changed far beyond anything that would have happened in my own backyard, and I will eternally be glad I took the time to be part of the Social media Scene.

From a purely personal point of view on my part I see Social Media and the relationships created online to be very much the same as those created in real time face to face situation. People come and go in your life. Friendships become stronger and some just naturally fall away. 

We meet, we interact, and we work and play together. On line or off, we change and grow as individuals. We help each other through the good and sometimes the not so good of daily life. We become a support system for each other and for family members as well. 

Through Social media we meet our birth parents and extended families. We learn tolerance from our neighbors and understand the differences in other cultures, which in turn let us alleviate many the fears associated with the unknown, giving all us a broader understanding of the world we live and work in. 

Use of personal Social Media gives us the ability as individuals to over come prejudices and preconceived ideas of what other people in other parts of the world really believe and think. We find we are all not so different as we may have thought. We find new ways of self-expression, and new avenues of creating the life we had always wanted for our families and ourselves. 

Through the use of Social-media we can create what ever we can conceive. There is always someone that has done or become what we are trying to do, we can learn from them, and find a way to accomplish our goals as well. 

People, places and things are only as real as we allow them to become. Social Media is just one more avenue that opens our mind and our hearts to the persons we really are. I’ve heard people tell me that online personas are a façade, fake, and people hide behind masks… In some, maybe in all cases that is true to a degree, but if that is the case, it also allows these same people behind the facades to come out of their shells and feel safe in doing so. It allows people to explore who they really are in a safe and friendly environment, without the fears associated in other aspects of life. 

People online in social settings can find communities to TRY ON for size and fit to see if that is indeed the person they are or want to become. It gives people a certain freedom, to explore areas they may never have been able to in a purely face-to-face world. 

I have found that for the most part, the people I have seen and interacted with online are far more honest about who and what they stand for, and are far more available for discussion of differing viewpoints, and are more apt to listen to others than in many a face-to-face gathering. Fake, phony, hiding behind masks, or false facades?  This is the way of the world to a certain degree, and you see it in your lives everyday with the ones you love, and your family, those you work with and personal friendships. Just how well do you really know, the people, whom you know? 

People will always keep parts of themselves hidden away for fear of what others may think. It is not proprietary to Social media and online relationships, and never will be.

My suggestion….

Dive in and see where Social Media leads you. Find your niche. Explore who you are. Learn and grow, become more open and more tolerant. I am convinced you can’t find a better place for all of that, than in personal Social Media.  

Happy Socializing….  I’d love to hear about your travels into cyberspace…